This is a test

So I imagine being awakened by this message; “This is a test, this is only a test; in the event of an actual emergency….” It is a message we have all heard during a TV broadcast, and typically one that interrupted a favorite program.

The problem is this message never gets broadcasted in my world, and I continue to be ‘trapped’ in my own reality!

My apartment has had some major issues in the four weeks I’ve been living here along with a potential breach of my bank account. Though I’m not certain which apartment I will relocate to, I have located a source for a quiet basement apartment only 10 minutes from campus, and as a 2nd option another apartment about 15 minutes from campus. I am taking a short reprieve from the second move that will occur once I return to Northern Virginia next week; I have enjoyed a visit to Colorado and now I’m in California.

photo 2

San Francisco 2014 San Francisco 2014

Those who know me certainly are aware of the struggles I’ve endured since 2012; I’ve had a share of victories as well, but my ultimate goal to achieve a sense of peace and balance seems to continually allude me. Please do not take this as a cry for sorrow or pity; I am simply in deep thought ( me? a thinker?)  Perhaps the struggles are thrown at me in order to make me better with the constant state of change that life provides; I have not been doing well with changes in the recent years and do hope to learn to better find a source of peace from within vs. looking for peace from my external environment. All things will change and this nursing school journey is certainly not the last of my life challenges or changes.

I try and stay focused on the words many friends have offered such as, “15 months will fly by!” I do promise I will honestly respond to this sentiment in the fifteenth month… I am hopeful that this journey will work and that the great gifts of life subsequent to graduation will make the difficult road endured and to some extent chosen, worthwhile. At this stage in the game with a year of prerequisite coursework behind me, over half of my ‘intended’ retirement benefits committed to paying for living expenses and tuition, it is too late to bail on this now. I am forever grateful for all of the support and strength I gain from my friends; I could not do this without all of you.

I do hope that the struggles have been part my deep, unconscious; (though not restful) coma, and that after I am handed my BSN degree and cross the stage I will quickly hear from above “This is a test, this is only a test; in the event of an actual emergency..” and finally WAKE UP!!!

  3 comments for “This is a test

  1. Eve
    August 8, 2014 at 7:34 pm

    Love you and your strength and your endurance. Keep on keeping on. You are fabulous and yes “this is a test”!

  2. Deborah
    August 17, 2014 at 3:28 am

    Sometimes when things have been unsettled and stressful for a long period of time it is hard to break free from that feeling that you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Just give it time and gradually you will start to feel more settled.
    Love you girl! Stay strong.

    • August 17, 2014 at 3:35 am

      Love you Deborah, thank you! Yes I’ve been on edge and nerves are shot! Ready to get this goal accomplished – I think all will be better once I start this program… Thankful for best friends like YOU who keep me sane – I’m forever grateful for you and other friends who are my sources of strength.

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